My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
