why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
