hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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