I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fuck appropriateness.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
