Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
