Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
