made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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