Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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