I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
