Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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