He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
