Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
