Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize