yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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