Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
