FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
