sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
