So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
