My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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