i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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