I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
