You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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