i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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