So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
