i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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