Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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