He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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