Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
