so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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