dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
