Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
