I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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