I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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