we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
