I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
