It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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