i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
