She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
