My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize