i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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