I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
