Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
