i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
