can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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