Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
