She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
