I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize