I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
