Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
