Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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