I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
