Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Mom said you looked used
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
