goodnight i made you a song goodbye
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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