I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
