i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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