I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
