I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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