Your mouth is God's brothel.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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