If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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