so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
