I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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