i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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