my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
