i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
