Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
