and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
