There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
