bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
