Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
