I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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