went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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