My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
