Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
