May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
