just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
