Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
