i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
