they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My dick has a subreddit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
