i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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