I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
