i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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