Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
