i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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