I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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