It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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