I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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