well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
