im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
