i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
