I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
