Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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