remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
