At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
