Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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