I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
