There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
