Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
