i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
