I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
