She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i think i just lost a toe
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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