Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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