omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
