just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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