Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
